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<i>[male narrator] How to play football.</i>
<i>Football needs special equipment:</i>

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<i>A college covered with ivy,</i>

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<i>a coliseum or stadium</i>
<i>filled to overflowing,</i>

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>with 100,000 rabid,</i>
<i>wildly cheering fans,</i>

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<i>great armies of vendors, managers,</i>
<i>mascots, photographers,</i>

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<i>sports writers, doctors,</i>
<i>elaborate brass bands,</i>

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<i>assorted coaches, old grads,</i>
<i>scores of Annie Oakleys,</i>

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<i>and two teams,</i>
<i>resplendent in brilliant uniforms,</i>

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<i>create a riot of colour and atmosphere</i>
<i>unequalled by any other game on earth.</i>

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<i>Now, the object of the game is...</i>

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[crowd roars]

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<i>...to pass the ball over the goal line</i>
<i>of the opposing team by hook or crook.</i>

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<i>Eleven men on either team, two ends.</i>

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<i>And that's how the game is played.</i>

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<i>Now the teams line up for the kick-off,</i>
<i>the referee blows his whistle.</i>

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- [thump]
<i>- And the game is on!</i>

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<i>It's a long, high end-over-end kick</i>
<i>over the end zone to Swivel Hips Smith,</i>

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<i>that great all-American star.</i>
<i>Look at him go!</i>

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<i>They can't touch him.</i>
<i>He can really carry them!</i>

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- [crowd whistles]
<i>- Look at that straight arm.</i>

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<i>He's away and he's over</i>
<i>for a touchdown!</i>

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>It isn't often you see this.</i>

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<i>105 yards to a touchdown</i>
<i>on the opening kick-off.</i>

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<i>Here's the try for the extra point.</i>

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<i>-</i> [thump]
<i>- The kick is good!</i>

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>The score is seven to nothing.</i>

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<i>Here comes Swivel Hips Smith</i>
<i>out of the game,</i>

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<i>- listen to that cheer.</i>
- [crowd roars]

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<i>The coach is saving Smith.</i>

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<i>He's not taking chances</i>
<i>with his star player.</i>

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<i>Back to the game. Taxidermy Tech</i>
<i>kicks off to Anthropology A andamp; M.</i>

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[crowd boos]

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<i>But the ball is fumbled</i>
<i>and it's Taxidermy Tech's ball.</i>

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<i>They go into a huddle.</i>

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<i>The quarterback looks over the defence</i>
<i>and decides which number to call.</i>

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[phone rings]

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<i>They come out of the huddle,</i>
<i>the line shifts into position,</i>

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<i>the quarterback barks his signals.</i>

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[barking]

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<i>The back field shifts,</i>

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<i>the ball snaps, quarterback to halfback,</i>
<i>to fullback, pile drives through centre,</i>

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<i>- for a gain of eight yards.</i>
<i>-</i> [screaming]

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<i>That quarterback's a smart boy.</i>

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- [smack]
- Ow!

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[quarterback] All right! Signals!

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18-29-47!

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63-54-99!

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<i>[narrator] The team's working</i>
<i>like a well-oiled machine.</i>

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[gears clanking]

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<i>Double wingback to the right,</i>
<i>from an unbalanced line.</i>

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<i>The halfback's got it off... tackled,</i>
<i>and he's smeared for a nine-yard loss.</i>

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<i>What a dumb quarterback.</i>

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<i>To the spectator, football</i>
<i>may appear rather rough at times,</i>

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<i>but in reality,</i>
<i>it's a character-building game.</i>

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<i>All right, Taxidermy's ball.</i>
<i>Third down and 11 to go.</i>

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<i>DeGradi has the ball,</i>
<i>gives it to Gershwin.</i>

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<i>No, Sibley's got it. There it goes.</i>

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<i>A fake, a hidden ball.</i>

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<i>Crisscross, cross buck and around,</i>
<i>razzle-dazzle, split buck...</i>

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<i>And he's in the clear!</i>

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[crowd roars]

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[crashing]

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[boom]

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<i>There's a penalty on the play.</i>

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<i>It's against Taxidermy Tech...</i>

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<i>-</i> Foul.
<i>- [narrator] One, two, three,</i>

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<i>four, five, 15 yards</i>
<i>for unnecessary roughness.</i>

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[crowd boos]

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<i>Now it's fourth down</i>
<i>and 26 to go for T and T.</i>

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<i>The quarterback is worried,</i>
<i>the coach radiates confidence.</i>

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[Morse code beeps]

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<i>The quarterback decides to kick.</i>

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[galloping]

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<i>It's... it's blocked!</i>

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<i>No, it got away.</i>
<i>It's a high spiral.</i>

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<i>-</i> [incoming whistle]
<i>- The safety man's under it.</i>

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[flashbulbs popping]

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<i>He muffed it! It's a loose ball!</i>
<i>Number 48's in fast.</i>

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<i>Butterfingers Moose Williams</i>
<i>got it, he had it,</i>

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<i>DeGradi missed it, Sibley boots it</i>
<i>to the 50, it goes to the 35...</i>

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<i>It's Tech's ball. No, Wright</i>
<i>wrenched it away, it's A andamp; M's!</i>

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<i>No, everybody dropped it,</i>
<i>nobody's got it.</i>

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<i>A 100-yard fumble, a free ball over</i>
<i>Tech's goal line, here comes Nordberg.</i>

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<i>- He's recovering the pork skin for six.</i>
- [crowd cheers]

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<i>What a play!</i>

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<i>Teams line up to try</i>
<i>for the extra point.</i>

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<i>- There's the kick and it's blocked!</i>
<i>-</i> [gulp]

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>Anthropology A andamp; M receives,</i>

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<i>and they're nailed</i>
<i>on the 25-yard stripe.</i>

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<i>What's the quarterback going to call?</i>

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<i>Looks like a pass.</i>
<i>It is a pass.</i>

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<i>Geronomi fades back, cocks his arm,</i>
<i>rifles a bullet past him with a flash.</i>

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[sizzling]

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<i>It's intercepted by Anthropology.</i>

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<i>Here's the 40-yard marker, the 30, the</i>
<i>20, the ten and over for a touchdown!</i>

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[crowd roars]

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<i>- There's the try for the extra point.</i>
- [honk]

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<i>It's good... or is it?</i>

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<i>Yes, no. Yes, no.</i>

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<i>Yes, no, and...</i>
<i>there's the gun ending the half.</i>

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<i>Well, here's one for the books.</i>

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<i>The officials put</i>
<i>their heads together, reach a decision,</i>

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<i>and the score at the end of the half:</i>
<i>Taxidermy seven,</i>

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<i>Anthropology 12 and one half.</i>

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T-A-X-I...

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...D-E-R-M-Y!

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T-A-X-I-D-E-R-M-Y!

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T-A-X-I-D-E-R-M-Y!

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Taxidermy! Taxidermy!
Taxidermy!

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<i>[narrator] During the half,</i>
<i>the players are allowed to relax.</i>

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<i>The coach, a master of psychology,</i>

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<i>points out their weaknesses.</i>

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<i>To prevent overconfidence,</i>
<i>he shames them.</i>

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<i>Arouses their school spirit.</i>
<i>A man of many moves.</i>

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<i>Now threatening... now pleading.</i>

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<i>A saint. A devil.</i>

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<i>He has varied and subtle ways</i>
<i>of appealing to their sympathy.</i>

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Now get out there and fight!

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<i>[narrator] The second half's</i>
<i>about to start, Smith going in.</i>

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<i>Listen to that cheer.</i>

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>There's the kick.</i>
<i>Swivel Hips is under it,</i>

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<i>a host of Anthropologists close in,</i>
<i>but he breaks away, look at him go!</i>

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<i>40, 50... They can't stop him!</i>
<i>Listen to that crowd!</i>

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<i>60, 70, 80...</i>
<i>Look at that straight arm!</i>

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<i>90, 95, and he's over for a...</i>

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- [crashing]
<i>- Wow! He's hit and hit hard.</i>

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<i>- This is a real blow to the coach.</i>
<i>-</i> [gulp]

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<i>They're taking Smith out.</i>

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<i>Tough break for the team.</i>

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<i>They're working on Swivel Hips Smith.</i>

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<i>Tech is snowed under</i>
<i>by a wave of tactics.</i>

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[splash]

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<i>The coach is feverishly</i>
<i>trying to revive Smith.</i>

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<i>Time is running out and</i>
<i>Taxidermy is up against a stone wall.</i>

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[pumping air]

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<i>They work on Swiv,</i>
<i>only time for one play.</i>

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<i>Smith on his feet, crowd goes wild,</i>
<i>anything can happen.</i>

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<i>The team's fired up,</i>
<i>Smith's got the ball.</i>

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<i>Look at that blocking.</i>

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[grunting]

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<i>Smith reverses the field,</i>
<i>not a man on his feet,</i>

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<i>Smith cuts back...</i>
<i>The crowd is hysterical.</i>

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<i>Smith tightroping down the sidelines,</i>
<i>breaking clear. Look!</i>

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<i>An Anthropology man on his feet,</i>
<i>one second to go, here's the tackler,</i>

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<i>Run, Smith, run!</i>

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Smith is tired, having trouble
with the ball, A andamp; M man is gaining,

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- [incoming whistle]
<i>- Look out!</i>

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[crash]

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<i>There's the final gun and Smith wins</i>
<i>for Taxidermy Tech by half a point.</i>

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[crowd cheers]

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<i>To the coach goes the real credit.</i>

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[babbling]

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<i>It's his clear thinking and calm,</i>
<i>level-headed reasoning</i>

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<i>that makes football</i>
<i>the great game it is today.</i>




